Legolas's Horse
by Neril
Summary: Legolas and Aragorn go to hunt orcs, and Thranduil decides to come with them. Riding his fabulous elk (Legolas is still upset because he does not have his own elk) Strange things start to happen, evolving Legolas's horse. Has orc and spider slaying, also, extreme Kool-aid drinking.


Just a random one-shot I wrote I while back, finally got around to posting it. **Enjoy!** :)

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A/N, no animals were harmed in the making of this story.

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"Ada, can I go hunt orcs now?" Legolas asked, his best buddy Aragorn standing beside him.

Thranduil waved a hand at him. "Sure."

Legolas and Aragorn started walking out when they heard a yell behind them. "WAIT!"

The two stopped, and turned to see Thranduil run up to them. "I want to go, too!"

"Okay," Legolas said.

"Yay!" Aragorn cheered. "What about Galion?"

"He's busy," Thranduil replied, tossing his wine glass behind him. Just then Galion shot by and dove for the wine glass.

"NOOO!" he shrieked, catching it as he slid across the floor. "Whew!" he exclaimed, then, "Oh my goodness! This glass is filthy!" He jumped up and ran off to the kitchens.

A few minutes later the trio were riding along in the forest, Thranduil on his elk, and the other two on boring old horses – or that's what Legolas said, he was still mad at his Ada for not buying him an elk for Christmas.

"You didn't come to the party," Thranduil said. "So I had to give it to Galion."

"Where is it now?"

"I think he ate it."

"NOOO!" Legolas wailed. "My precious!"

Legolas' horse snorted in a very insulted manner. Legolas killed a couple spiders, Thranduil killed one spider, and Aragorn almost killed half a spider.

"I'm thirsty," Aragorn said.

Legolas gave him some strawberry-kiwi Kool-aid.

"Mmm, yummy, thank you!"

"I'm thirsty!" Thranduil exclaimed.

Aragorn handed him some Kool-aid.

"No, thank you," Thranduil stuck his nose up in the air. "I need wine."

"Fine then," Aragorn said. He gave the Kool-aid to Legolas's horse, who drank it and really liked it. You may be wondering how I know, but you will find out soon enough.

They kept riding along, until they found some orcs.

"OOOOOORRRRRCCCCCCCCC SSSSLLLLLLAAAAAAYYYYIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!" Legolas and Aragorn screamed, charging at the orcs. Thranduil stared at them for a minute.

"I don't remember hunting like this."

"YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The elf and man charged into the group of twenty orcs. Legolas started shooting them, and Aragorn started slicing at them with his sword.

Legolas shot three down with one arrow, and Aragorn chopped half an arm off one of the orcs. One of the other orcs hit Aragorn in the ribs, and broke two of them.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Aragorn screamed.

"Aragorn!" Legolas cried. "What ails you?"

"Nothing's ails me! I ran out of ginger ale!"

"Your side is bleeding!"

"It is?" Aragorn looked down at himself. "Oh. Weird." He then killed the orc that hit him.

"Are you okay?!" Thranduil asked, rushing up to the wounded Aragorn. "I heard you scream!"

"I ran out of Kool-aid too," Aragorn said. He looked really sad, Legolas handed him Kool-aid, and he felt better.

"We must find Galion to make you better," Thranduil said.

"Does he have Kool-aid?"

',',',',',',',',',',',','

Legolas was glaring at his horse, who had just drank the rest of his Kool-aid. "Horses are stupid!" he exclaimed.

"Are not!"

"What was that?!" Legolas asked. He looked up, then around, then shrugged. "Meh, nothing."

"It was not nothing! Horses are not stupid, and we will not be ignored!"

Legolas jumped. "Are the spiders talking?"

"Don't be stupid," Thranduil said. "Spiders don't talk."

"Was it you?"

"No."

"Aragorn, did you say anything?"

"No, why?"

"Hmm, I thought something said something."

"Your horse," Aragorn suggested.

"Pft, horses are too stupid to talk."

"Le gasp! How dare you insult me!"

Legolas looked up then around. "Where is that coming from?" He finally looked down, then leaned over to see his horse's face. "Did you say something?"

"Yes!" The horse snapped.

Legolas jerked back and scoffed. "Horses do not talk!"

"Oh, yeah? Prove it then!"

Legolas leaned over toward Aragorn. "Do horses talk?"

Aragorn shrugged. "Mine does."

"Since when?"

"Since I gave it Kool-aid."

"Did you give my horse Kool-aid?" Legolas asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Horses are still stupid," Legolas grunted.

"I heard that!"

"AHH! Fine, horses are less stupid."

"Than what?" Legolas' horse asked.

"Spiders."

Legolas' horse tried to buck him off, but couldn't, Legolas was used to this kind of behavior and was always prepared, or at least sixty-four K - I mean sixty-four percent of the time.

"Ada, do horses talk?" Legolas asked.

"Don't be absurd," Thranduil said.

"Whew, that's a relief, I thought my horse was talking!"

"I was!" Legolas' horse exclaimed.

"ADA!"

"What?!"

"Can you tell my horse to shut it!"

"Shut what?"

"His pie hole."

"He has a pie hole? Does he have any pie in it?"

"No, his mouth."

"His mouth has pie in it?"

"NO! Ugh, just forget it!"

"You beings are so confounded!" Legolas's horse exclaimed.

"AHH! Did your horse just speak!?" Thranduil asked.

"Of course I did!" Legolas's horse replied.

Thranduil fainted, slumping over his elk.

"Well, that was strange," Legolas said, then shot a random spider.

"Yucky!" Legolas' horse shrieked as the spider that was squirting blood out fell to the ground.

"Cool!" Aragorn cheered.

"Awesome!" Legolas said, and then shot another spider.

"I hate hunting with you," Legolas's horse said.

"Yeah, well, I would rather have an elk."

"Too bad, you got stuck with me."

Legolas got an evil plan in his head. "Aragorn," he said. "We must take my Ada home."

"Okay," Aragorn agreed. "But we just got here."

The trio started back, Legolas's horse grumbling the whole time.

"Shut your pie hole," Legolas said.

"Nothing shuts my pie hole but pie," his horse replied. Legolas almost did his plan right then, but made himself wait.

Aragorn shot a spider in half.

',',',',',',',',',',',','

"Galion!" Legolas cried out.

Galion came running, "What is it?"

"Do you know how to make my Ada wake up?"

"Sure." Galion turned to the King. "I am dumping all your wine in the river."

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thranduil shrieked, shooting twenty feet in the air.

"Strange," Legolas muttered, looking around. "Have you seen my Ada?"

Thranduil crashed to the ground.

"Oh, there he is."

"The horse talked!" Thranduil gasped.

"I will get his wine," Galion said.

',',',',',',',',',',',','

Legolas snickered as he and Aragorn snuck into the stables where his horse was. Suddenly Legolas gasped.

"Galion didn't eat the elk!"

"Duh," Aragorn said. "Why would he?"

Legolas shrugged, and the two stopped when they heard Legolas's horse talking.

"And he had the nerve to call me stupid," the horse said.

The elk looked at the horse blankly, chomping down on his hay with bored looking eyes.

"I mean, come on!" The horse continued. "The nerve of that elf!"

Legolas started to get angry. How dare the horse be so mean?! He had always treated it with kindness! And food! And Kool-aid!

',',',',',',',',',',',','

"Mmm, this is good!" Thranduil exclaimed. "Who made it?!"

"I did!" Legolas said proudly.

"Wow! I didn't know you could cook!"

"I helped!" Aragorn said.

"I did most the work," Galion grumbled.

"Who shot it?" Thranduil asked.

"I did!" Legolas replied.

"And I chopped its legs off!" Aragorn put in.

"Um…nice. Where did you get it?"

"Oh, it's my horse," Legolas said.

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Please review! I love reviews, people who review are awesome! So, if you want to be awesome. REVIEW!


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